Silly being crabby

Sometimes I get so confused about being crabby in general. Does it really make me feel better to be bitchy? or do i just like that second when i get to lash out at someone who didnt really deserve it because its making me think i feel better when really im just hurting them.... ridiculous. I was like that as a little kid, just said the meanest things to make myself feel good. Once when i was 14 i found my moms diary (haha she still kept one) and i cried over everything she wrote. I knew i was hurting her but still thought i didnt care. Gosh, im pathetic. Im sorry, I´ve tried to make it up to her but its not like you can take it back.
I love my mom. Shes a great person! I was talking to her today and realized that as long as we dont have to spend more then 2 days in each others company, we get along fabulous! :) Oh and something else i realized today is that she is super strong. I mean, she lived pretty much the exact same life as i am right now and she made it. So i should stop complaining right? I mean she went to school full time days, worked full time NOCs and at the same time her mom was dying of cancer and she managed to meet my dad and get married still. I dont know how she did it... I feel dumb for complaining to her. And not that she would even compare us. I was complaining to my dad and he told me to stop and consider what mom did. meh.... I just screwed up so much in school since starting college that i feel like this is my last chance. I want to do well and that means bringing back all my study skills from high school, cause God knows i didnt use them at scholastica. I want a puppy.... Jarbled, is that a word? thats what i feel like my thoughts are at this moment. maybe i should cut back on the mt dew...